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Monday, July 8th, 2019
1:55 am
friends only, comment to be added.
promote your shit here.


Saturday, March 24th, 2007
6:21 pm
i'm sick of looking at my old livejournal and being reminded of everything that has gone on within the past few months. it's just too depressing and that's the last thing i need right now. add me if you'd like because most entries will be friends only.



Friday, March 9th, 2007
10:43 pm
i'm so sick of everyone

but mostly myself...


Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
12:07 pm
i've never felt like this before. i'm so happy yet so miserable at the same time. i love him so much, and there's no doubt in my mind. i would give anything to be able to see him like i used to. he's everything to me, and he makes me so happy. it's really sad how after all of this fighting, we grew closer and before i knew it, my parents knew everything and everything came crashing down. i'll love him forever, and if not forever, an awful long time. i've never been so sure of something.


Sunday, January 28th, 2007
3:36 pm
just hearing him say those three words makes all of these tears worth it.

anyway, i was looking through old pictures of me and i actually feel good about myself now. i look so much better than i did six months ago. it's really weird, but really nice.


12:09 pm
all of this pain will be worth it in the end, i'm convinced. i'm in love, and no amount of pain will ever be able to change that.

i don't want to know if you're playing me, keep it on the low, 'cause my heart can't take it anymore.


Saturday, January 27th, 2007
1:08 pm
i'm so sick of crying myself to sleep at night. i'm so sick of being upset. i'm so sick of the thought of him and her engraved in my brain.

drowning in my sleep, i'm drowning in my sleep.


Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
6:10 pm
i'm done with friends only entries. from now on, everything is public. i have nothing to hide anymore.

i honestly don't know how i feel right now. i'm still with tony after everything that's happened lately. it's really hard to think about the fact that he actually had sex with another girl while we were together and then lied to my face about it. i guess i deserved it. i guess i just love him too much to let him go. i guess i'm just too afraid of change. i guess i just keep hoping things will go back to the way they used to be, although i'm finding out now that it might not have been so perfect as he made it seem. i'm willing to forgive, but i'll never forget. i'm hoping that won't be too much of a problem. i can't believe he kept it a secret from me. i can't believe everyone else knew except for me. i'm pretty much still in shock. i can't comprehend the whole situation. it's the only thing on my mind anymore. i never thought he'd be the type of person to do that to me. i must be naive. this whole thing has made me rethink every one of my friendships. people obviously aren't what they seem to be, and i found that out the hard way. i haven't seen tony since i found out about all of this. i'm afraid that i might see him and lose it, you know, just start balling uncontrollably. that happened last night on the phone. i had known for over a day, but that was when it finally hit me. it really did happen, and there's nothing i can do about it. i feel so lost and out of the loop with everything. i need to get my life back on track. i need to get everything straightened out. you can be mad at me all you want for still being with him, you can say anything you want to, but the fact of the matter is that it's none of your business. sometimes people need to be forgiven. we're starting new, and hopefully we can have something amazing. i know we're capable of it.

on the upside, i've been talking to maddy lately. that really does make me happy. i missed her a hell of a lot, but i'm real upset that i ruined the close bond that me and her had. oh well. i'll just be greatful that she's back in my life.

i still can't believe my life became this much of a mess.


Monday, January 22nd, 2007
3:26 pm
hahahahhaha hey guys my name is tony and i fuck random sluts when my girlfriend is in jersey because i'm mad at her.

i've never been so hurt in my life...


Sunday, January 21st, 2007
3:31 pm
somewhere along the lines, i lost myself... i don't even know who i am anymore. no one does. i have hurt the only people in life who mattered to me. i've never been this low before. i honestly want to die, but i will continue to move forward and try to make amends with everyone in my life starting with tony, but i feel like it's a lost cause. how the fuck could i do something like that? i spend every waking minute crying because i have to live with the guilt of hurting someone who i loved more than life, and loved me just as much. i took everything for granted. shocker. i'm going to give it my all to try and make things better. this means more to me than anything.

maddy ketner, i know you'll read this, so i'd just like to say that i'm sorry more than you'll know. i'm not allowed online and i can't find the words to say if i were to call you, so i'll figure something out and get back to you. i really do miss you.


Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
12:06 am
there's no possible way i can put the overwhelming feeling i'm experiencing into words.


Sunday, December 17th, 2006
7:16 pm
i'm really stressed out about everything lately. my life is going to shit. i can't take anything anymore. i basically ruined everything with me and tony. i really hope things work out because i love the kid so much. i've been so selfish lately. i really need to change. my relationships with most of my friends suck lately. nothing is the same as it used to be because i'm not the same anymore. the stress is really getting to my head and i'm not having a good time dealing with it. i don't do well with stress. i'm in danger of failing most of my classes like chemistry in which i had a 100 in last marking period. i want to go back to being the person that everyone knew and loved, not the one who was too busy dealing with her own stress to care about anybody else's feelings. i did that to many people, including tony and maddy, the two people who had meant the most to me. i'm really sorry for all the trouble i've been causing lately, and i'm on a path back to being the old me. the funloving, laidback, carefree ashlyncrunk that everyone loved. now i feel like i have more enemies than friends. if i deal with my stress in a healthier way than i have been, everything will be almost back to normal. i need to change now, starting with the relationship i have with tony, because i would give anything to get it back to the way it used to be, and it's my fault that it's not that way anymore. i made a few horrible mistakes and he gave me another chance. i am forever greatful. i need to prove to him that i'm serious about changing and serious about us or else i'll lose him for good. that is something i would never ever want to happen. i love him so much. maddy used to be my best friend, but i completely destroyed our closeness. i'm going to change that too. without maddy, i would die, whether i want to admit it or not. she is always there to listen to my shit even if i'm too busy talking about mine to listen to hers. that is all going to change.

i'm changing back.


Friday, October 27th, 2006
11:29 pm
i'm so upset all the time. thanks. no, i'm not going to write about it. it's too long.

i gave you my everything


Saturday, September 16th, 2006
5:18 pm
everyone who has a problem with me can shove it up your ass. my supposed good friend, thank you for totally abandoning me for the stupidest reason in the world. you can all suck my dick because you're being immature and ridiculous. you let high school get to your head. maybe you should start acting like you're in high school now. it's time to grow up. i can care less about what you have to say about me and my boyfriend. i'm happy, fucking deal with it. spend more time caring about your own problems than mine. THANKS.


Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
12:59 am


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